NJN Network

NJN Network, February 21, 2009

To RG
From MJS

Rob, I’m really excited and thrilled to submit our healthy ageing strategy. As you know, “Dead on the Island Today” is by far the most popular section in The Guardian, so I suggest we give this policy initiative a really snappy name like “Getting Decrepit on the Gentle Isle”. This could be a real winner for us.

You will note a big change for us in this report. Normally I believe a 10 point strategy to be the most professional – enough to look serious and committed, yet not too much for the little people to feel they understand. This time I have condensed it into just five points. This is partially because I am anticipating the possibility of a Cabinet reshuffle, and I wanted to allow for the likelihood that you may shuffle Neil to this portfolio on the grounds that being near-comatose and near-dead are pretty much the same thing. I was also mindful of Chris LeClair’s comment that he was tired of policies exploding in his face, so the less there is the less the risk. (He is right that this approach worked very well for you in the first year, when there was no policy at all.)

You will understand that when you are buying jewelery, a few brilliant stones will cost a lot more than a whole bunch of more ordinary ones. Top quality public policy research is a lot like that, so cutting the number of Pillars from 10 to 5 pretty much doubles the budget. Don’t you just love the term “pillars”? It makes me feel I’m writing for the Feds. I did think about seven pillars, but quite apart from the challenge of thinking of seven things to do with old people, someone told me it had been used before. I think Gertrude Lawrence used it as the title of her autobiography. I am sure you will agree that this is yet another triumph, and it will continue the exciting run of huge policy successes we have guided you to. You just have to get your people to do a better job of presenting and communicating. (BTW, we do consultancy work on that too.)

Pillar the first Our objective is that the majority of cases fall into one of three categories for easy handling and processing (see how cleverly we immediately expand 5 points to 8 points).
• Aging gracefully and independently at home in Brighton, able to pass on a comfortable sum to loved one
• Decently out of sight in a privately-owned facility privately run by a good Liberal
• Having the good grace to pass on quietly and cheaply before becoming a problem
As good Liberals we support policies which are inclusive and I am sure you will agree this model has – with public cooperation – the possibility of taking in the majority of cases.

Pillar the second Unfortunately this model doesn’t entirely work in rural areas. I do not understand how farmers and fishermen can afford to get old, but it seems they do. I believe Neil’s department is looking at this problem. I think the idea is that the ones who don’t go out west to work could quietly starve and freeze in the dark. Tourist operators (the third category who unaccountably both work and live in the country) quite rightly have built their business model on working 12 weeks a year and I understand they all have winter homes in Florida. I am told the majority of them are likely to kill themselves on their Harleys before they become a social problem.

Pillar the third This policy may also be greeted with less than enthusiasm by the union militants of the public sector. In addition we have the problem that money managers seem to have managed to lose hundreds of millions of dollars which have been invested in public sector pension funds. It is our genius as consultants to be able to identify the silver linings in situations like this. By rolling back public sector pensions to the level of those enjoyed in the private sector for equivalent tasks (in other words almost nothing), we create a huge funding pool to create dignified retirement homes in our more densely populated areas, e.g. Brighton, Sherwood. I have spoken with Cliff and Melanie and they are willing to put their shoulders to the wheel to identify and purchase appropriate properties and build and lease back the manors. There is also the possibility of operating them privately using the new “Golden Age Fund” to help finance the retirement of the entitled, but to show proper respect to the sensibilities of organised labour, it is important that we also allow for properly managed public provision. Indeed, management of these manors could provide a very worthwhile way for Liberal supporters to continue contributing to the social good.

Pillar the fourth Of great concern to the Government Caucus members is government pensions. At present – and like totally unfairly – an MLA has to get elected twice to collect his or her pension. A guy as smart as you immediately sees the potential problem. Unfortunately not all the government MLAs share the Fifth Floor certainties about the future and, as it stands at the moment, only four of you actually qualify for pensions if – God forbid – the worst should happen should you decide to let the next election go ahead anytime soon. (There is a lot to be said for watching how Stephen Harper has handled things, though I am not sure how cooperative Barbara Hagerman would be.) During our public consultation phase we had literally thousand of representations as to how totally unjust this is to the hardworking and underpaid MLAs, especially those east or west of Charlottetown who, unaccountably, seem the most uneasy. A relatively simple change on entitlement could allow pension rights to accrue from the moment of nomination. We are still working out the wrinkles which might allow Tories to abuse this sensible provision by claiming it for themselves. I recall that when Reform gave their words on something similar (or maybe it was the same thing in reverse?) they changed their minds pretty quickly once in the trough power. Would you mind giving Billy a call on this? After his brilliant work guiding the PNP, this should be a simple matter for him.

Pillar the fifth Er, that’s it. I’ve managed to get it down to just four pillars. Probably just as well because five pillars would give you a pentagram and you might finds templars, masons and Lions Clubs wanting to get involved in the discussion (not that there’s anything wrong with Lions Clubs determining public policy of course). No wonder you rely on me for all this stuff.

Ciao Bello
MJS